Happy Birthday

I once read this book called "Suzanne's Diary for Nicholas" by James Patterson.  It's a diary of letters that a mom writes to her unborn child about her pregnancy.  It's a tragic story and I won't really tell you much more about the storyline because I think everybody should read it.  I've thought about this book so much since Jaxson has been born a year ago.  I decided that I would write a letter to Jaxson on his first birthday so that he will know how much he was loved and will always be loved.  I will share it with you.....

Dear Jaxson

Today is your birthday!  I cannot believe that you are turning ONE!  This past year has been the scariest but most rewarding year of my life.  I remember the day that I went to the hospital to bring you into this world like it was yesterday.  I can remember jumping out of bed at 4:30 in the morning to take a shower and make sure all of the “loose ends” were tied before leaving.  I can remember waking your daddy up and telling him it was time to go.  I remember walking in the hospital doors thinking to myself “The next time I walk through these doors I will be carrying a piece of perfection”.  I was excited but scared to death of what was to come in the next few hours.

 

 

 I thought you would be born that Monday but you decided that Tuesday was going to be YOUR day.  Around 2 o’clock on Tuesday, April 13^th the nurses thought it was time to get Dr. Victores for your appearance.  You, my baby, had other plans.  I pushed and pushed and you were SO close to showing your face, but all you would give us was a glimpse of the top of your head.  You were keeping us in suspense.  I had to get a C-section to get you to finally come out.  It all happened so quickly.  One minute I was rolling down the hallways of the hospital and the next I could see your Daddy’s face light up and you were pulled out.  

It was a moment that I will remember forever.  Your Daddy held you up to me so I could catch a glimpse of your precious face.  I will be honest, I didn’t recognize you.  I thought you would have looked more like me.  You were your daddy’s boy right from the beginning.   The nurse brought you to me after they gave you a bath in the nursery.  Everybody had already left for the night to give us some rest.  I was terrified.  I didn’t know what to do with you.  Your daddy and I had a couple of panic moments throughout the night and neither one of us slept.  I can remember that I was so happy to see the sunrise that next day. 

The first couple of nights I couldn’t sleep.  It wasn’t because of you having your days and nights mixed up.  It was because I had anxiety of the kind of mom that I would be for you.  Nobody tells you how to take care of a baby.  There is no science equation or written rule on how to feed you, when to bath you, where you should take your naps….Over the past year I have tried to raise you to be a strong little boy.  I want you to become independent but still run to me when you need help.  I hope that you will grow to know that there is an awesome being, more powerful than you can imagine that knew you even before I did.  God is wonderful and has a strange sense of humor.  I know this personally, mainly because he blessed me with you. 

Some people may call me biased but I think you are one smart cookie.  You have accomplished so much in your one year of life and I couldn’t be more proud.  You know how to flush the toilet, brush your teeth, you took off walking on the day of your 1^st birthday party, MAMA and DADADADADA are a common vocabulary word, and you think Salem’s cage is your playground.

My mother tells me this and I will tell you the same thing, always and forever.  I love you more than all the stars in the sky and all the sand on the beach.  Happy 1^st Birthday my baby!!!

Love

Mommy